


peter and lara jean’s revised contract

by callipygian



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Coming of Age, Contracts, F/M, First Relationship, Fluff, High School, Teen Romance, my kids are so cute, the author may or may not be in love with peter kavinsky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 16:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15755466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callipygian/pseuds/callipygian
Summary: “You gotta trust,” Peter had said simply, with the easiness of a boy that has an infinite supply of trust to dish out.But Lara Jean Song-Covey has never been that way. Peter may be a go-with-the-flow kind of guy, but she does much better with clear, structured rules. And now that her hatbox is empty of love letters, she makes room in it for some rules. For her eyes only.





	peter and lara jean’s revised contract

 

> " _You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else."_  
>  \--- unknown

\--<3--

**rule number one**

“Hey Peter, can I ask you a question?” Lara Jean says suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

They’re lounging on his bed, Lara Jean with her back to the headboard and Peter resting his head on her outstretched legs. He’s close enough that she can put her hands in his hair – his head of beautiful, thick brown curly tendrils that is the stuff of her dreams.

“Sure,” Peter replies easily. He flips over, props his head up on his hands, and stares right into her eyes. “What’s on your mind, Covey?”

That’s just the thing. Everything is easy with Peter. He seems to be untouched by the constant undertone of anxiety and self-doubt that has characterized Lara Jean’s life.

She knows it’s not true, that Peter still gets insecure sometimes if he sees her talking to Josh, or worried if she goes out driving too late. He’s not untouchable or impossibly confident. But before he became _her_ Peter, Peter’s emotional range seemed to cycle exclusively between boredom, amusement, and cockiness.

 _Her Peter,_ Lara Jean reminds herself. Not Kavinsky, the king of the cafeteria crowd. Not Peter K, the star lacrosse player. Her Peter is the one that touches her face like its something precious, drives across town to get her yogurt drinks, and kisses her with warm, mildly-chapped lips. The novelty of that hasn’t quite worn off yet. Lara Jean hopes it never will.

“Have you...” she starts, but trails off. Peter waits patiently, staring at her with the corners of his mouth turned up. Lara Jean still can’t believe that any boy could look at her like that, let alone Peter Kavinsky. Perfect Peter K. Watching her like he could do it for an eternity.

Somehow, that gives her the courage to speak. Lara Jean takes a deep breath, steeling herself. “Have you ever thought about doing _it_?”

“Doing it?” Peter cocks an eyebrow and she flushes. She didn’t mean for her question to sound so very, well, _high school._

She swats at him, and he dodges, rolling to the side until his head is squarely in her lap again, a solid brand of heat against her thighs. She grabs a throw pillow with rainbow tassels off his bed and presses it into his face. She had made the pillow for Peter after seeing the barren gray desert that was his room for the first time. She hadn't thought Peter would actually use it, but when she had given it to him at school the next morning, he had hugged it to his chest and smiled so brightly she thought she'd melt right into the checkered tile floor. Since then, it's been a mainstay in Peter's room, which is great for Lara Jean because it doubles as stylish pillow fight ammunition.

“Mercy, Lara Jean,” Peter laughs, voice muffled underneath the pillow. “I’m just kidding.”

“You know what I meant, you jerk,” Lara Jean says, but there’s no heat in her voice. “Having sex.” She shoves the pillow in Peter’s face a little more, just for good measure. They both know that he could escape from underneath the pillow, no problem, but Peter seems to like indulging Lara Jean’s whims these days, and Lara Jean can’t look at his eyes right now. His beautiful, toffee-colored, laughing eyes.

Peter laughs again, softer now, like the men in the movies do when the heroine has said something unexpectedly charming. “Of course I have, Covey.”

“ _Oh_. Okay.” Lara Jean mentally recoils. She knew that he had been sexually active when he was with Gen. The whole school knew. Just last year, Chris had complained how her grandma thought Gen was some perfect, chaste angel, when in reality, she was hitting Peter Kavinsky up for a booty call three times a week. Meanwhile, Chris was practically the Hester Prynne of her family – minus the scarlet letter, but with just as much public shaming.

Lara Jean doesn’t want to admit it to Peter – smooth. charming, easy Peter – but she’s been worrying for a while. That he has… _needs_ , and that she can’t satisfy them. Won’t satisfy them. That she isn’t enough for perfect Peter Kavinsky, the handsomest of all the handsome boys. Especially after he's been with Gen... three times a week, for 52 weeks of each year since who-knows-when. She can't bring herself to do the math. It's never been her best subject anyway.

Peter must have heard something in her voice, because he tosses the pillow aside and gets up, knees on the bed, one hand on her shoulder and the other on her cheek. Lara Jean’s breath catches in her throat. He’s so close that she can see the little golden flecks in his eyes and count every one of his long, silky eyelashes. His breath falls on her face, warm and minty.

“Hey,” Peter says quietly. “Don’t worry about it, Lara Jean. I’ve only thought about it because I think you’re beautiful, and you’re special to me. But I would never make you do anything that you don’t want to do. I could never do that to you. Do you understand?”

Lara Jean nods, because what else can she do when he’s stolen her ability to speak, plucked it straight out of her overthinking head like only Peter Kavinsky can.

Peter seems to take this as a cue to continue. He takes her hand and presses it against his chest with intent. His heart thuds against it, slow and steady and heavy.

“I love you, Lara Jean. You’re not like any girl I’ve ever met. I love our long talks on the way to school because I feel like I can tell you anything. I love watching romcoms with you on the couch, even though _Fight Club_ is a much better movie. I love baking cookies with you for Kitty and your dad, especially when you try so hard that you get flour on your face. I love when you come over to my place for dinner, and my mom falls in love with you a little more every time, just like I do.”

His eyes burn with earnestness, almost like he’s begging her to believe him, even though she hasn’t said that she doesn’t.

“I love doing those things with you, Lara Jean, because I’m doing them with _you_. And sure, I’d probably love to have sex with you. I can’t deny that. But I’d love it because I’m doing it with you. At the right time, at the right place, and under the right conditions.”

At this, he takes her hand, the one that’s resting on his chest, and presses it to her own heart.

“You’ll know when that time is, Lara Jean. Right in here.” Peter gives her hand a squeeze. Lara Jean’s heart pounds, loud and rapid-fire. “And when it is, you just let me know.”

He flashes her a smile. Not a cocky or amused one. Just the kind of smile where his eyes go soft and gooey, like her chocolate-chip cookies straight out of the oven, and his nose scrunches a little. The kind that Lara Jean wants to savor and protect. The kind that she would save in her hatbox if she could, along with the other precious things that she holds most dear in her heart.

“Thanks, Peter,” she says, and means it more than she’s ever meant anything in her life. “Really… thank you.” She pulls him towards her by the collar of his sweatshirt and kisses him slow. Her eyes flutter shut. Peter puts a hand on her neck and deepens the kiss, smiling against her mouth like he can't help it. He smells like snickerdoodles and sandalwood and toasted marshmallows.

When they finally pull apart, they stare into each other’s eyes for a few moments before Peter grins broadly. “If that’s what your thank yous are like, you should thank me more often, Lara Jean.”

She rolls her eyes and gives him a little peck on the lips, just to be petty. He laughs and kisses her again, for real, warm and open-mouthed and sure. His hand comes to rest on the small of her back.

It is at this moment that she thinks about the little Ziploc bag of condoms, lube, and dental dams that she has in her backpack. A safe sex kit, courtesy of her medical-school-educated father. It is at this moment that sex doesn’t seem so scary anymore.

It would be so easy with Peter. Just like everything else. Sex wouldn’t be some tangle of anxiety, shame, fear, and secrecy. It’d be easy to grab a condom, to make love in Peter’s gray sheets that smell like cookies and safety. To wrap Peter’s arms around herself afterwards and make a little cocoon of warmth and love.

But deep in her heart, Lara Jean knows that she’s not ready. So when they pull apart for the last time, Peter gives her one last smile, and that’s that.

Later that night, after Peter drops her off in his Audi and they exchange a hushed goodbye at her front door, Lara Jean bolts upstairs. She grabs a pencil and paper off of her desk and just _writes_ , like she always does.

Peter and Lara Jean's Revised Contract

1\. Peter and Lara Jean will only have sex when both of them are ready, and they will love each other just as much no matter what happens.

She smiles, tapping her pencil absently against her desk. It’s a strange feeling to have someone’s heart. She used to feel like if a boy ever gave her his heart, she wouldn’t know what to do with it, besides store it in an armored safe next to all of her keepsakes.

But she’s not so worried when it comes to Peter. Lara Jean doesn’t feel scared or confused, just impossibly lucky.

After taking one last look at her newly-written contract, Lara Jean takes the sheet of paper, folds it twice, and puts it in her hatbox before drifting off to a restful sleep.

 --<3--

**to be continued**

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> This series has changed me. After watching the movie on Netflix, I binged all three of Jenny Han's books in the same day. I felt like this story was just something that I needed to get out.
> 
> That's all. Please leave me a review, if you don't mind! I'd love to know what you think, and if you beautiful people have any suggestions.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Jess


End file.
